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Bubblewonder Abyss

by Dorian Finch

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1.
When you are famous I'll write you letters I'll keep your secrets till someone pays me better And then I'll tell the magazines all that I know but only the good things only the good things The things you gave me Without realizing Your cast-off cargo kept my vessel from capsizing Though I regret some of the jetsam that I stole, I kept the good things only the good things You sign sincerely sometimes Yours Truly These fifteen pages will someday sell for money I'll tear the bottom off every message No need for autographs when I have words you told me in the best of confidence When you were lonely Meant only for me At least I hope so Will you forget me as you grow hungry? Too many questions for someone who's so busy Because I know to grow you have to shed the old Just keep the good things Only the good things Will you still keep me? Do you still need me? Will you still keep me? Do you still need me? and I'll watch you walk across a silver stage and televise the face that made me change but I don't know what we became.
2.
December 14 05:14
You were an animal I am an animal You had a hole in your heart I was a part of a whole There are no monsters anymore They all died in the good war In the good war You kept a tight, tight ship I let some feelings slip You had a TaylorMade I had a razor blade But I could never let it fly In the space of a lifetime Not even mine And the coffins call me And the cops are at my door And I want to give in But I won't be forgiven anymore You teetered on the brink I must have stopped to think But you did atrocious things and I, I am the missing link And the bathtubs call me And their blood is in my head And I want to change, I do, I do, I do but I am scared
3.
You were careful to fasten the top lock rub your cigarettes out on the sidewalk I took care not to rumple the napkins keep the glass bottles out of the trash cans I made sure to unplug all the outlets Save a couple of bucks when the month ends Sweep the loose leaves away from the pavement Make every payment a day in advance And then we danced To a measured drum You kicked your heels up on the linoleum I swung you over the countertops You said don't stop, my love, till the hands of the clock cross underneath each other, to end up as one You put back all the toys in the closet Smoothed the comforter out on the guest bed I made sure that no windows were open It would be such a shame if they broke in As we left, I turned back just to look and make sure the welcome mat wasn't crooked Then we let the door fall shut behind us No one will find us, we'll be miles away And then we lay Our burdens down You spilled the fluid into the ground I flicked the lighter and watched it catch Backed out the driveway slamming on the gas And from the corners of our white eyes We saw the tide arise, sweeping underneath our tires to swallow up the squalid lovers that brought it to life
4.
you know the lyrics already
5.
You slept on the floor of a church you said I slept on decisions and a real Ikea bed You gave me a dollar when I played "No Children" and I gave you a holler but you weren't there to listen when I called The other day I left a message just to say To call me back And let me know How things are going if you still go The second time I met you you were late by far Some man had stolen all your things, you'd only rescued your guitar And I remember thinking just how strange it would be if I carried my whole life around with me, just like a snail It made me flinch But you were kind About my privilege And none of this makes any sense But all that I've left of you are these shreds of remembrance you called me brave I'd no reply but if I had to answer now then I would tell you Julian, Julian If you'd come back to the city I'd meet you in the Presidio where eyes wide, you and I contemplated our own fate and found a smile We walked Divisadero and we barely spoke But shoulder next to shoulder we did share our yoke You said it had been a long time since you'd seen Trees and rocks and flowers dressed in brown and green, so I hitched up My dragging skirts And hiked the hills Until I hurt And then we sat You smoked a joint And all the tourists came and went from Inspiration Point The sun went down We hit the road I said goodbye on Geary And that's the last time that we spoke in person Julian, Julian If you'd come back to the city I'd meet you in the Presidio where eyes wide, you and I contemplated our own fate and found a smile of a different kind of a different kind The one part I omitted was the moment I admitted that long ago I didn't want to try you looked straight ahead and softly you said so did I Julian, Julian If you'd come back to the city I'd meet you in the Presidio where eyes wide, you and I contemplated our own fate and found the height of wonder Julian, Julian, If you'd come to San Francisco I would tell you how I missed you and how some days, when I'm on Haight, I still check at every corner for a trace of your face.
6.
You're shipping all your things across the states A dozen brown boxes marked fragile, a couple crates some packing tape You're shipping all your things across the states To meet their fate Your personal items, a frightened and silent wait I hope they're safe When the big truck comes to pick them up And the big truck slows to put them down When the dark walls shake at every bump At the turns unlearned in foreign towns Your life is contained in containers to small for it The remains of your heart and brains after judgment day By reprobates And you're crossing your fingers to linger, to hesitate But don't be late The meter is minding, and soon you may never make an honest mate When the big truck comes to pick you up And the big truck slows to put you down When your heart walls shake at every touch At the turns unlearned on hallowed grounds You're shipping all your things across the states You're shipping all your things across the states You're only alive 'cause the driver's a heavyweight You're only alive when saliva and metadate Keep you awake
7.
There's ashes on the carpet and there's water on the windshield and there's fluid in my lungs, my lungs, I think I'm drowning in my own warm blood I'm gonna hurl And now there's vomit in the basin and there's monsters in the basement and there's no sign of escape, escape, it's seven thirty and it's far too late to leave this world Evolution's coming for me, I can see the headlights in its hollow eyes, I keep changing my mind, but there's nothing inside And this is the end Of the bend in a life And this is the end of my knife I can't control my body and I can't be held accountable for what I do, I do, I swear I want to be all over you Tonight But every muscle in me, every bone and every neuron, every taut and strangled vein, in vain, is screaming No no no Watch out for your brain Evolution's coming for me, I can hear the hum of every passing age It's a stage, I keep changing my mind But there's nothing inside And this is the start of the death of a part And this is the hole in my… skull
8.
There's a reason why this song isn't splattered wet on the concrete behind me, with a mess of love and percocet There's a reason why you haven't left me yet But we'll soon forget But we'll soon forget, thank god But we'll soon forget And we won't need it And I'm starting to think the stones in my skull aren't literate And I'm starting to think the bones in my hull are gonna sink the ship I'm starting to think there's a reason for the whole conglomerate But I'll soon forget But I'll soon forget, thank god But I'll soon forget All the stupid shit Our epidermis burns As the world it turns But the stench is not so bad And the holding hands And the balding bands None of this will stay intact There's an old man at the bus stop who sits and sits That line ended years ago but he still waits for it When the nurse would come for him you'd always cry a bit But we'll soon forget But we'll soon forget, thank god But we'll soon forget And the sakes we keep And the beauty sleep Will be scrubbed out with the stains And the subtle charms Fists and folded arms Will be all that now remains And there's a reason why this song isn't splattered wet On the windshield in front of me, with a sheen of blood and tagamet There's a reason why the day we die will be one we won't regret But we'll soon forget But we'll soon forget, thank god But we'll soon forget But we But we

about

a collection of old tracks written 2011-2012, released on Mutt Tapes in 2013

credits

released October 19, 2013

Austin Cook
Matt Summers
Adam Van der Veer

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all rights reserved

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about

Dorian Finch San Francisco, California

defunct project of the artist now known as udzo mau

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